He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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