So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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