Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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