Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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