you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
