I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
