The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
