whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
