You're completely useless in the revolution.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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