no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
