well I can't set my house on fire every night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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