You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
