How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
