I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
