Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
