i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
