wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
