the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize