grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Screwed.edu
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
