God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
