No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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