I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
