One girl and one boy is just not enough.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize