Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
