i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
