i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
