I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
