Already got asked if we're dating
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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