Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
