dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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