i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
