Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Two words: nipple clamps
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