i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
