you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
