Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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