Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
