i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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