...so i touched it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
