Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
