True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
