I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
