So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
