i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Panties = found
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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