i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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