i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
