I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
