i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
