I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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