I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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