your parents love me but you hate me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
