New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
