Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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