I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
