You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
