We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
