I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
