Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
