I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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