If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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