**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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